SHOELESS JOE
I can’t go anywhere without stepping on glass. This wouldn’t be so bad if I had shoes. Where I’m most comfortable is walking an invisible tightrope.
This would surprise the jocks in my 8th grade gym class, considering the sense of balance required–I was such a klutz I was always close to the last one chosen when they were picking teams. Until the day the gym coach had us run a mile to decide who would be captains–I smoked everyone and picked all the other klutzes for my team, which caused an uproar of confusion and made for one hell of a softball game.