Category Archives: shards

the skinny, the poop

The Skinny, the Poop

Here’s the skinny, here’s the poop, a microcosm of the Dilly Dally, spread in disarray on your kitchen table while you sleep, basking in moonlight under the gaze of a digital wall clock. A cornucopia of wrong answers, your life in a nutshell. And still when the alarm sounds you jump out of bed, touch your toes, say your prayers and brush your teeth, as if everything was on the up-and-up.

I’ve about had my fill–with monks and monkeyshines, peacocks and pheasants, the small rodents that dart through the juniper; with the wind-up toys of ambition, the sock full of laundromat quarters.

A hernia the size of a football, six Asian lovers and a cell phone–what’s my problem? Someone’s snapped off the aerial and side mirror on my car, that’s what, the seat belt’s broke and the driver’s side door won’t open. But I still get ten miles a gallon and have a loaf of stale bread in the cupboard.

I’ve got a picture album that goes back to childhood, and I’ve taken to cutting the faces off the old me and pasting them over the new, which can be taken two ways, depending on what you want out of life, depending on which way you’re heading. The old me is the new me and the new me the old, and that pretty much sums things up and cancels out the whole show (because of rain, because of death, low attendance)…

The time for questions is past. They’re out there in the dark shuffling the marquee letters like a jigsaw puzzle for the coming attraction.

I backflip out of orbit and tumble down like a snowflake.

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the saga of man

The Saga of Man

“Everywhere I go, a poet has been there before me.”
Siegmund Freud

“I never said nothing I don’t mean.”
Anonymous poet

“I keep hearing the word culture
over and over in my head,
I can’t sleep,
so I bought a gun
and entered the contest.”

Abdul-Salam Basara, Guantanamo Bay detainee
winner of the Hermann Goering Look-Alike Contest

Man on a wire. Man against the odds. Odd man out. Man on the moon, in the moon, mooning in moonlight from on top of a very high building, mooning through adolescence. Man made, man kind (but not very), Tarzan crash landing in the jungle disguised as an English gentleman, stripped down to his jockey shorts and acquiring a wife and a mysterious boy, organizing monkeys.

This is not chaos, this is not Unsinn, a frail fabrication, a wish-filled thought, this is the real thing, roughshod and substantial, nose to nose with the bad guys. Hoka-hey! I say, I said it before and I’ll say it again, hang around and see if I don’t. Real men ride bareback. Real men shoot arrows. Real men reel and snap back like canvas sails in a gale.

High seas, that’s where the real men are, a high C from the throat of a sea siren and their ears pop, a fine kettle of fish, all swimming with maggots. What? You thought things would turn out otherwise? Fry them up on the aft deck maggots and all and get on with it–the story, the joke, the stem-cell research, making real men in test tubes.

Of course this is dangerous, no “could be” about it, danger makes the world go round, before danger it was flat–ah, those were the days, sailing right off the edge into No Man’s Land.

He who hesitates is lost, he who stutters is as good as gone, he who puts his money where his mouth is is an ugly sight to behold.

Shimmy up this pole, sweetheart, there’s a flag up top flapping in the breeze. When you’re through seeing stars and counting stripes, you can slide down again, a world of dream locked between your thighs.

America, America, God shed his grace on thee. I don’t know how I got here from there but here I am, my transfer clutched in my hand, waiting on the next mode of transportation. And there goes Grace, lost in America, shedding skin like a rattlesnake. Let’s call her Snake Girl from here on out, let’s pretend she’s Jane of the Jungle, halfway down the flagpole and here comes Tarzan swinging in on a cable, yodeling, dressed in nothing but a jockstrap and a hard hat, trying to fit in. He yanks Jane from the pole by the hair and off they sail through empty space where the Twin Towers once stood.

Sweet Land of Liberty? Break my chops. Ride low into the Big Easy on a chopper. Leave it all behind, try to forget. It’s not your fault, the state of things. It all started before you were born. But still, there are some small things you can do. Anything that smells like doctrine, torch it. Go down on your knees to no man. Refrain from thinking things through. You’ll sleep nights if you do. You’ll breathe easy. Your eyes will clear and the blemishes will disappear from your skin.

Give it a shot.

What have you got to lose?

Take a baby step.

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the landlord

The Landlord

He wasn’t two-faced but he did have two sides to him, and each side had numerous subdivisions. He was like an apartment complex with a first-come, first-serve rental policy. There was no security deposit and no guarantee against unwanted intrusions. You may think there’s no such thing as a wanted intrusion, but think again.

You’ve been renting 3-C for some time, and you’ve told the renter directly across the hall in 3-D for the umpteenth time to please stop knocking on your door at all hours, you have no extra sugar, you don’t subscribe to the paper, and you don’t want to play Scrabble. And then one night at 3 a.m. you wake up in the jaws of a terrible loneliness and find yourself knocking on his door, and when he opens it you hear yourself saying, “I know it’s late, but could I come in? Just for a minute?”

And so starts a stormy relationship between 3-C and 3-D that embraces intrusion and lasts until you both get evicted.

There’s no lease. There’s no 30-day-notice eviction clause. No first-and-last. There’s only the discerning eye of the landlord who seems at times capricious, even two-faced, but he has his reasons.

On the plus side the rent never gets raised, pets are welcome, and race, creed and sexual proclivities are irrelevant. Nevertheless, there is a high turnover of renters, and the landlord never questions their motives for moving out.

Only the old man in the basement who does chores for rent and the mysterious woman on the top floor who sings softly down the ventilation shaft at night have been there from the start.

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the monkey’s cup

The Monkey’s Cup

Batter my brains out, I don’t care. I come from the gut. I come from Alabama with a long rifle and a five-string banjo.
My papers are in disarray but my reflexes are good.

Aliens have been landing and taking off in Colorado and Montana for over 10,000 years now. They don’t want to sit down and negotiate. They don’t want to show us the way back to Eden or drag us off to their salt mines. What’s a salt mine to these wisps of cognizance that have no concept of eyes, hair or kidneys? They have no concepts period. They come from the far side of The Big Bang and the gap between us and them is so great they don’t realize we’re here.

You may wonder how I know all this, a man with broken fantasies and guts for brains, clinging to his banjo and rifle, riding out of Alabama with out-of-state plates.

It’s a long story, but if you’ve got the time, I’ll lay it out for you. But first put some change in the monkey’s cup. You didn’t see the monkey, did you?

Think of me as an old wooden bridge over a yawning chasm that you need to cross. Listen to the wood creak and the cables hum.

You see now what you’ve let yourself in for.

Don’t look down.

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the inside story on warfare

The Inside Story on Warfare

 

Mark Twain was a deep writer, twelve feet deep to be precise. But let us not mock Mark, let us tip our hat and skip on down the road. So many heads under one hat, it’s almost like an umbrella.

I’m sure you’ve been touched with uneasiness, perhaps even resentment, getting dragged into this nebulous flanking maneuver. It’s like being drafted or born. A uniform of flesh and blood, the uniform of a warrior, enemies springing up like crab grass all around. Nothing for it but to wield the sword and venture forth into martyrdom.

Lately my head hurts in such a peculiar way that the little doctor up there prognosticates a brain aneurysm. Such a worm of a word for a thick bulging vessel. Pop goes the vessel and strips the captain’s bars from his epaulets. Away with this cumbersome body!

I pool my resources and wait for someone to make a move.

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thanks for the memories

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES

The worst thing about getting dragged thru the gravel tied to the back bumper of a departing woman’s car is that she’s spinning that gravel in your face.

How does this happen? When you give love you give power, that’s how.

What you’ve got to be alert for when you give love and power is whether there’s love and power coming back at you. Tokenism is not love, nor is hot sex or sweet talk.

Down under the crash-and-burn wreckage of romance, someone may still be alive, years down there in the twisted dark metal, sucking air thru a pipe.

You bide your time, waiting for the right moment to slap down some payback, so you can watch her bounce thru the gravel.

Consider this part of the transition back into the fray, like the cigarette burns on your arm.

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