How to Write Your First Novel
Don’t write to communicate, write to establish distance. Well, screw that, write to let the good times roll, cut loose like the bulls at Pamplona, dig a horn into an innocent bystander, trample small children, rage against the odds, the hags in black crepe, the dim-witted vendors. Dig up an outsider, dress him in tin and send him off to save maidens. Now you’re getting somewhere, now you’re gaining distance and having the time of your life, you can slip into the background and things will continue to multiply like crazy without your having to lift a finger. With a little luck you’ll become a footnote in history.
But don’t listen to me, I’m on the run, I smuggle pedophiles out of the Vatican, I leave obscene notes on picnic tables. There’s nothing much good about me, not much you can trust. Just follow your heart and look serious.
What else? Dot the “i” and cross the “t”, that’s important. I know I said don’t listen to me, but see how fast things change?
Here’s the main thing: don’t start writing until you know what the ending is.