don’t come around here no more

Don’t Come Around Here No More

Don’t address the problem, address the envelope. Stick the problem in the envelope. Seal it. Hold on there, what are you doing with that stamp? My God, you’re going to mail it? Look at who it’s addressed to, is that someone you want to share your problems with?

I notice you didn’t put down a return address. Do you think you can get off that easy, by dumping your problems on someone else? And that’s a pretty thick envelope, how many problems are in there? Boy, are you a piece of work.

What do you mean, why did I tell you to put the problem in the envelope? To take your mind off it, that’s why. To give you something to do with your hands. Not to mail it, for Christ’s sake. What I was going to tell you to do next was burn it. That’s right, torch the sucker. It’s not too late. You haven’t put the stamp on yet. You haven’t dropped it in the mailbox.

But hey, here’s another idea. Why not put the stamp on, take it down to the mailbox, and drop it in. But torch it first, then drop it in, and run like hell. Yeah, right, it’s a federal offense, but think of the rush as you round the corner, sirens going off all over the place. That should be enough to take your mind off your problems. That should be enough to get you lost in the moment.

Me, I don’t have problems. Not anymore. I turned them into role models. It takes some doing, you’re not ready for that yet, you can’t even get the envelope thing right. The best you can hope for at this stage is to turn your problems into a crisis. Don’t feel bad, most people don’t even get that far.

Why am I helping you? What makes you think I’m helping you? Why would I want to do that? I’m helping myself. The world is cluttered with people with problems they don’t have a clue how to deal with. I’m drowning in other people’s problems, I need a breath of fresh air.

The trick is not to deal with your problems, not to address them, the trick is to transform them. Setting the mailbox on fire would be a good place to start.

And then do me a favor. Don’t come around here no more.

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