Author Archives: Klaus

the seventh day

The Seventh Day

There’s negative energy and positive energy, a swirl of neutrons, electrons and protons spinning around a flat earth that is the center of not just the solar system but the entire universe.

God lives dead-center under the flat earth from where he holds it up on his shoulders and barks out commandments.

It’s the way things have been since the Seventh Day. 

 

***

 

God gave Man the ability to reason, and reason breeds heretics – that’s how God identifies the Chosen, by their refusal to use reason. 

Throughout time (God’s most abstract creation), the Chosen have had carte blanche to round up men of reason and march them right off the edge of the earth where they get a glimpse of God as they go zooming by. It’s what hell is, this glimpse of God, not some pit of fire.

Men of God speak to the multitudes thru microphones. They’re great organizers and know where the oil is. The fact that most of humanity is starving goes to prove what God is.

There’s a day not too far off when God will suck the Chosen down under the earth with him, leaving the rest of us behind, walking around in wheat fields under the sun.

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the red eye special

The Red Eye Special



Cary Janus cleared his throat, brought up some phlegm, ejected it discreetly into a tissue, and slipped the tissue into his coat pocket. He banged his felt-muffled gavel on the lectern and said: “May I have your attention please?”

Cary was the first recipient of the Rugged Individual in Poetry Award, something Billy Lish, editor-in-chief of Scream & Scam magazine, had cooked up on a bet. The bet was that Billy couldn’t sell the idea to the media, but it caught on like wild fire, and in nothing flat Billy went from being close to a nobody to a guest on the late shows, the Ophra Show, and NPR’s All Things Considered. Rolling Stone put his picture on the cover, even though he had nothing to do with the music industry, and in two weeks flat Billy wrote a novel titled Hard Times in the Fast Lane that was published by Random House and shot straight to the top of the best-seller list.

Billy was on a roll, and then Jay Leno blind-sided him by asking who the first recipient of the award was.

Knowing that dead air can destroy a career quicker than a snake bite, Billy blurted our the first name that flashed through his panic-stricken brain–Cary Janus, a minor poet Billy had never read and just recently heard about who roamed Minnesota’s lake country in a VW bus, working odd jobs and writing poems on scraps of paper.

The media was on it in a heartbeat. They tracked Cary down that very night, sleeping in his van in a parking lot in Caledonia, and the next morning the headlines read: Doomsday Poet wins Rugged Individual in Poetry Award!

Cary was a melancholy soul, and when on The Today Show he listed among his influences Octavio Paz and Pablo Neruda, Fox News declared him “another bleeding liberal with Communist leanings.”

Things began going downhill for Billy after that. He saw that he would have to restructure and disassociate. He moved the ceremony for the presentaton of the award from Columbia University to an obscure college in Vermont.

Billy stuck Cary, unmiked, at the far end of the gym behind a plywood podium. He had the janitor set up a row of folding chairs directly in front of the podium, and on these chairs sat a handful of lit profs and university mag editors. The rest of the gym was packed with media moguls, ad men and Hollywood producers who had flown in on the Red Eye Special, drinks in hand, slapping each other on the back, laughing uproariously and networking like crazy. They were there to see if the Rugged Individual Award had any spin left, and they totally missed Cary’s speech delivered to the people in the folding chairs who had to lean forward to catch even half of what he was saying.

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the sex life of the powerful

The Sex Life of the Powerful (written before Trump came on the scene)

 

Karl Rove has a flaccid little dick that not even Viagra can get hard, and to compensate he sticks foot-long candles up his ass while screaming game plans for high officials into a cassette recorder.

George W. Bush locks himself in the White House toilet with two strapping Secret Service body guards outside the door and listens to Karl Rove’s tapes through a headset while rubbing his normal but by no means legendary cock with horse radish.

Condoleezza Rice has a much-used photograph of Arnold Schwarzenegger from back when he could barely speak English. On flights to summit meetings she focuses her reading light on this photo and with her free hand up under her dress does unspeakable things.

Colin Powell has a picture of Condoleezza Rice doing unspeakable things that he flashes to comely Congressional secretaries in the hope of getting some.

Dick Cheney used to dress up like a woman and parade in front of his then teenage daughter who he had strapped to a chair. But when she turned lesbian, Dick took a vow of abstinence and has since become one of the three most dangerous men in the world, along with Jerry Springer and the Rev. Wright.

Hillary Clinton spent years masturbating while thinking of Monica and Bill. She did it with a cigar while blindfolded with a famous necktie. She’s recently switched from Monica and Bill to the Obama Girl who half the country masturbates over.

Barack Obama has sex only by appointment.

The Pope of Rome has an inflatable boy doll, which for a Catholic priest is considered safe sex.

The list goes on. Animals from porcupines to Shetland ponies are popular with the powerful, second in popularity only to Eastern European young women and children from all over the world that are obtainable from the world-wide sex-slave trade.

A little known fact is that the first porn sites on the web were started surreptitiously by the League of Decency in the hope that they would distract the powerful from their unseemly sexual proclivities and make them happy with vicarious thrills. The plan, of course, backfired and got out of hand, so that now there are more deviants than heterosexuals in the western world by a margin of 3 to 1, cloaking the twisted sexual behavior of the powerful and enraging Muslim radicals whose idea of a turn-on is to gird themselves with dynamite and blow up crowded buildings full of infidels.

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tripping in america (excerpt)

Tripping in America

(excerpt) Written in 1981; published in 1984)

Indians, gooks and niggers, queers and deadbeats—what do they know about America? About Americana? But they’re learning. Everyone is learning. Even the gays are getting with it. In some places the gays are getting with it so well they’re taking over. In other placed blacks grow shifty-eyed as the unesy awareness comes over them that they’re becoming double-breasted reactionaries. And they’re black now, not niggers, and gooks are Asian Americans Hear me out! The flag waves in the same old breeze, and those who look to such barometers for a sign of the weather see no great change in store.

America was built on a rock and the Constitution was drafted by men of vision. There’s room under this canopy for all of us to get in out of the rain. All you gotta do is love them. That’s what they said to Yossarian in Catch 22. But no one wants to hear that anymore. Everyone loves them. And once you love them, you’re part of them, and they disperse tiny nuggets of power like communion wafers.

Fifteen years ago I drove around D.C. In a convertible on a warm summer’s day, drinking beer and listening to the Rolling Stones on the radio. Fifteen years later I’m racing over the 14th Street Bridge, just inches ahead of rush-hour traffic. What’s new? What’s different? Nothing and everthing. I’ve left Sandra wandering thru centuries of art. Teresa and Hans are up on Capital Hill, waiting for their work day to end. The tourists swarming around with their cameras and their misconceptions…

Listening to a tour guide taking a bevy of tourists around, listening to the stock explanations she has for the likes of Rothko and Pollock. The war, you see, changed things…changed values…the Second World War, that is. And so these men began to…to paint like this. She gestures to a Pollock. The halfmoon of faces stares expressionless. “Any fool can do that,” a black girl says, but there’s an uneasiness in her voice. She knows that somehow power is mixed up in all this.

We’re in the new wing, the west wing of the National Gallery of Art. All the trophies on the walls. The walls trophies in themselves. A tapestry done by Miro bolted to the marble with bridge bolts —-maybe two storeys high and as wide as a shrimp boat. Perhaps five tons of woven hemp. Beautiful, but I know Miro didn’t do it. Maybe he did a pastel under sunny Spanish skies and sent it off to Mexico where twenty weavers from the provinces worked it out for room and board and twenty pesos a day, returning home heroes to their wives and children and plunging the village into three days of festivities. A huge bonfire in the square, the light attracting Indians down out of the hills; butchered and roasted pig; music! Young boys and girls slipping off into the shadows…

Meanwhile a team from the museum is getting quietly drunk in the lounge of the Hilton in Mexico City. In the morning they’ll fly in, landing on the red dirt strip that’s thirty minutes away from the village by four-wheel-drive. In flight a woman on the team will get violently ill. Because of the turbulance, she’ll say, but also because of the Scotch she drank in the lounge the night before, and the Scotch she drank later in someone’s room, the new man on the team, the intense young restoration expert from Paraguay… And there it is, bolted to the wall in the National Art Museum in Washington, D.C. Tourists move about cautiously, crane their necks, fumble in their pockets for their instamatics…

Heritage. Culture. One girl I saw, she blitzed thru a room of van Goghs, Cezannes and Gauguins and never looked at a single painting. She went from one small data card to the next. She was getting off on the data cards. The names of the artists, their life span, the titles they decided on for their works. She was modern art in motion. She got thru the museum in 35 minutes flat and then went off with a boy who was doing back flips on roller blades on the sidewalk out front.

It’s not natural to have these works of art crammed together in this expensive building. The building is a power display. Power mucks around with art. It imposes itself upon art. It says: This is a painting done by a man who went out of his skull and died at the age of 36; he never sold a painting while alive except to relatives; this painting is now worth $10,000; it’s worth a million.

Power dictates value. People who are intimidated by power quickly lose their ability to make independent judgement. People who are intimidated by power are turned from niggers into blacks. Fags into gays. Hippies into junior executives. They are given a token nugget of power in return for their cooperation, their love. They forget how to discern the beauty from the beast. They proliferate like lemming.

It’s a string of individual failings that will bring us to our knees, our heads resting on the chopping block.


TRIPPING IN AMERICA — a series of observations made on a three-month round-robin trip across America. It is the book that opened the door on my Shard writing. Click the following link if you’d like to purchase the book… http://www.hcolompress.com

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some things last forever

Some Things Last Forever

First
the earth
was the
center of
the solar
system &
then the
sun itself
was &
then the
solar system
was part
of a
galaxy &
not a
very big
part
at that
& then
the galaxy
was a
smidgen
in the
big wide
universe before
it became
just a
universe
because
it was
seeming likely
there were
more out there
& now
it seems
possible that
there’s a
countless number
of universes
synapsing
one into
the other.

 

But things
are also
racing off
in the
other direction,
into the
infinitesimally
small.

 

We’ve come
a long way
since the
earth was
flat &
Columbus
discovered America.

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saying what’s important

Saying What’s Important

One good reader
is all any writer needs
wrote Henry Miller,
& that statement
was enough to
drive 632 writers
to suicide,
three to
national recognition,
& 16,000
into a
lifetime of
day jobs.

 

Then there’s
the handful
who understood
what he meant &
are untouchable
by fame or flattery.

 

Taking all this
into consideration,
Miller has
to be
the most
important writer
of the
Twentieth Century.

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