Category Archives: shards

god’s wild imagination

GOD’S WILD IMAGINATION

Trapped in the bird cage of space, time flaps its wings and warbles. The show begins. Out come the dancing bears and roaring lions. The snails, turtles and the darting hummingbird. The spinning planets and imploding suns. The quasars, quarks and tall giraffes, nibbling the high fruit of the outer limits.

Awareness peeks her nubile head around the corner and jerks it back again: oh-oh; this is more than what she’d bargained for.

Curled and waiting in the first twinkling star of nightfall, the cobra strike of sudden death.

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god’s dna

GOD’S DNA

Death is the ultimate private moment.
Death is the ultimate realization.
Death is a birthing with no mother
and no womb, no breast to suckle
when the birthing’s done.
Death is the culmination of ego.

 

There is no death without ego.
Without ego, life is eternal and
impersonal. What we call life is
self-assertion. This is the life
the Buddha called suffering.

 

How has this come to be?
There’s no way of knowing,
and no escape except through
death’s narrow gate.

 

Ego is God’s DNA.

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full moon rising

Full Moon Rising

I’m a mad toad on a lily pad. A tiger caged for the delight of a strange future’s children. A decimal point at the tail end of infinity. A war child born into the slavery.

Advocates of hope are stooges. You want specifics? Well here, put this in your pipe and smoke it. Unhook your buckle-up-for-safety mindset and step out on the porch so I can see your pale vacant eyes.

Take a hard look at what you think needs fixing. A harder look at your scheme for fixing it. George Carlin didn’t think he was funny, so why do you? Why give a standing ovation to someone who calls you a sheep? You’re the porcelain receptacle of the shit Carlin talked about, still laughing but a little nervous now that they foreclosed on your mortgage.

These are not the hard cold facts, this is the rebirth of original sin. Say a Hail Mary or two. Unleash a mea culpa. Do something Jewish or Islamic, skyrocket into the Zen-Buddhist Void, slumber thru the American Dream. We’re solidified in perpetual shame.

There will come a day of reckoning that will bear no resemblance to rapture. Don’t take my word for it, wait until the moon is full and the tide rises.

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estranged from the sun

ESTRANGED FROM THE SUN

He stared at his reflection in the kitchen window and then walked out of the kitchen, hitting the light switch as he entered the living room.

He sat down on the couch and made doodles on a napkin with a ballpoint until the napkin was full. He crumpled the napkin and flicked it. It lay on the living room rug, slowly unfolding, as if it were cellophane.

He felt like he should stand up and he felt like he should remain sitting. He felt equally strong about both options. He realized these weren’t really options, but this didn’t change the way he felt.

There was only one person who when he was in her company made him feel that their lives mingled. He knew from experience that this was an illusion, but it is the only illusion that made life bearable. Knowing this took something away from it, but it was still there nevertheless.

Every morning for a long time now he wakes up with the sensation of being crushed or strangled. He knows that it’s his own mind causing these sensations, but part of him feels that this is the only thing left that has meaning.

He stood up from the couch and stared at the napkin. It had ceased unfolding. It had gone as far as it could in its effort to regain its original shape. He nudged the napkin with the toe of his shoe, then locked the front door, put the porch light on, and went to bed.

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freedom’s just another word

FREEDOM’S JUST ANOTHER WORD

Having confessed everything there was to confess, be began making things up. Moments to remember, he called them. The day we tore the goal post down.

They stopped him right there. Gave him another jolt to the testicles with the electrodes. They had him hooked to a super computer put together by Diebold, and the computer had established patterns on him during his weeks of interrogation. The goal-post thing threw up a red flag that was identified as pattern inconsistency, which is what triggered the jolt to the testicles. But it was a glitch, not an inconsistency, the computer had no data from back then, there wasn’t enough terrorism on the home front in the Fifties, and that’s where he was coming from, a popular song of the late Fifties when it was the custom to tear down the goal posts after the homecoming game without worrying about getting interrogated for terrorism. He thought they’d eat it up, they’d eaten up everything else he was making up, but he’d crossed a time barrier without realizing it. Once he figured out who they wanted him to be, all he had to do was tell them things that fit that personality profile, and then they seemed relieved and affirmed and they stopped hurting him, which they did quite a bit at first. At first they didn’t even ask questions, they just hurt him, punches to the face and the stomach mostly, but there was one of them who liked to grab him by the hair and bounce him up and down in his chair. For the first three days they had a hood over his head, but he got so he could tell who was doing what, there were four of them and they each had a distinct technique, so that when they took off the hood and went into phase two of the interrogation, which involved questions and devices like the electrodes, well he knew who was who from the hood days. Figuring out stuff like this was important if he was going to stay sane. So pretty soon he saw what they wanted, and he saw how to give it to them so the computer approved, which–as has already been said–made them relieved and they let up on hurting him.

One day when things were not going well and he had passed out when they drilled straight down into the root of a molar, he heard them talking as he surfaced into consciousness again about how their computer was a refinement of Deep Blue, the computer that beat the Grand Master of the World at chess. This knowledge bolstered him for a number of days, he thought he was doing pretty good against Deep Blue, but ultimately it worked against him because the sense of superiority it gave him led to his getting inventive and delving back into the Gone World, and as we’ve already seen, Deep Blue was unable to compute data from the Gone World and our man paid dearly for his arrogance.

When all was said and done, they had him. They had him for as long as they wanted him, unless the terrorists, who were proliferating at an alarming rate (a statistician at the Rand Corporation showed it to be in direct proportion to the number of terrorism-interrogation detainees), broke the back of the free world’s security system and set him and the 50,000 other detainees back on the street. Freedom was now in the hands of the terrorists, which turned the free world into a police state, vehemently defending what it no longer possessed.

The best he could do now was endure what remained of his interrogation, which generally lasted six months, after which time a detainee who was not found guilty (it was no longer necessary to state “what” the detainee might be guilty of) was placed in a second-degree suspicion category and allowed to finish his days on one of the island communities that had been established in the Pacific to keep the free world safe from terrorism. No one, once brought in for terrorism interrogation, was ever set free again–the risk was too great. But life in the island communities was humane, and if a detainee set his mind to it and worked hard, he could lead a normal, productive life.

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following your heart

FOLLOWING YOUR HEART

He’s doing now what he should have been doing forty years ago. He’s always lagged behind. Before he’d finished high school he was hanging out with people two and three years younger than him. Soon it was a decade, then two, until he found himself head-over-heels in love with a woman 36 years younger.

“You can’t do that!” people told him.

What was he doing? He was following his heart. At the rate he was going, he’d soon cross a line where his very existence would be illegal. This is the sort of thing laws are made for–to keep people locked in place so that something that has nothing to do with their hearts can continue on long after they’re gone.

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