Category Archives: shards

the great gray brain

The Great Gray Brain

There are many rooms in my father’s mansion. Or castle. However you want to phrase it, words leave you holding the bag when the day’s done. High and dry. Like Noah’s ark after the flood subsides, somewhere south of Phoenix on a knoll.

But, I digress, which is the only way to get from here to there. Around and around in circles, the shortest distance between two points. The points of the compass, the pointed heads of Siamese-twin mongoloids, your choice, but make it quick, we mustn’t linger.

What is that, the rooms in a mansion business, a metaphor? Maybe not the one you had in mind, but sure, why not?
Captain Metaphor, a deranged Rhodes scholar with a peg leg and a harpoon, out for blood. Call him Ahab if that helps you get centered, and then sink like a stone into history.

The mansion is the brain. Whoops, time to rearrange the furniture. Put out the cat and wind your old-fashioned alarm clock. Brain doesn’t compute–a bad pun, a wobbly entendre, a little comic relief.

The universe is a brain function. The heart resides in the brain, the soul, a host of illegal immigrants. What were we before we were immigrants? Emigrants, ingrates, raw fodder for incrimination, incarceration and cowbell incantations.

Don’t take any of this too much to heart, let it roll on by and count the freight cars, try to record all the data, stenciled numbers eight digits long and a swirl of hobo cryptography. Take a long string of pictures with your 200 megabyte camera as evidence prima facie for the day of your reckoning.

But do you really think there’s some place where you’ll be ushered in like a hero when you die, when right here on this over-packed earth you’re indistinguishable from an ant hill or a garbage truck?

Underneath all this there’s a gentleness that longs to rock you in its arms.

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lost boy

Lost Boy

He was quiet and made people uneasy.

His parents took him to a shrink and the shrink laid out an array of brightly-colored pills. “Two of these at bedtime, one of those before breakfast, and this red one at noon. He’ll be right as rain before you know it,” said the shrink.

They pumped in the pills, but nothing changed.

And then one morning when his father threw open the bedroom door and sang out, “Rise and shine!” like he did every morning, the room was empty. His bed was made with hospital corners and his slippers were lined up neatly at the foot of the bed, but he was nowhere in sight.

For a week after that his father continued throwing open the door and calling, “Rise and shine!” and then he gave up on it.

He and his wife went on about their lives, and soon it was as if the boy had never existed.

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longing

Longing

People long for connection. They want to run across their long-lost Uncle Herb and whisk him off to the Coney Island of his mind, yank him out of his wheelchair and slam him down in the front car of the Cyclone, sit next to him while his knuckles turn white gripping the bar as the bloody thing plunges and streaks over the silver rails, wipe the drool from his chin when the ride’s over and then stuff him full of hot dogs and sauerkraut.

Some people don’t have an Uncle Herb so they join the Moose Lodge or the Rotary Club. Or they go on a two-week cruise in the Caribbean and pray the Pakistani waiters don’t blow up the ship. Others collide head-on on an Internet blind date and fly off to a far-away city to meet a total stranger. Still others join a Glee Club or a Barber Shop Quartet. A few become Scout Masters and build fires with young boys by rubbing sticks together.

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little buckaroo disappears in a heartbeat

Little Buckaroo Disappears in a Heartbeat

To disappear in a heartbeat. I did it once, and I’ve not been the same since.

A shrink told me that I only imagined it, but she was young and half naked at the time and not thinking clearly.

“It never happened, Little Buckaroo,” she said, “that strange journey into a heartbeat.”

That’s what she called me when she was aroused, Little Buckaroo.

“You’re dreaming options,” she said. “No good can come from looking for Shangri-La in a heartbeat.

“Oh!” she said. “Touch me there!”

And I did. I touched her there and everywhere, and I took her to Shangri-La.

Once you disappear in a heartbeat, women fall from the night sky like stars.

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imagining a world w/o tv

Imagining a World w/o TV

Not only can I imagine a world w/o TV, I was raised in a world w/o TV, and I lived in a world with TV without TV and still do; but not free of the impact of TV.

TV is the master tool of Corporate Culture, which is the guardian ad litem of Commercialism. TV has put its brand on everyone.

 

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This is a spinoff on E Unibus Pluram, David Foster Wallace’s novella-length essay about TV and its implications for fiction writers.

Wallace was an avid TV watcher, your typical six-hours-a-day viewer, and also a writer of no mean talent, a brilliant mind. He rightly states that there’s hardly an author writing today (and this was l990) whose writing isn’t referential to the world TV creates, a blend of gelded news, soaps, Christian mega-church fundamentalism, documentaries giving token nods to high culture, pop music extravaganzas and gonzo sports–all of it stitched together by sixty-second commercials.

But a point Wallace fails to make is that although it may be unavoidable that TV leaves a welt on everyone’s soul, to have a welt on your soul doesn’t mean you’ve necessarily abdicated ownership of your soul.

There was, in 1990, and there are today, writers who transform the stuff of TV into a weapon that undermines Corporate Culture in ways that Corporate Culture cannot identify, because the place these writers are coming from is beyond TV, and TV is Corporate Culture’s seeing-eye dog.

The Internet is an extension of TV.

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knowing what love is in a deep-throat world

KNOWING WHAT LOVE IS IN A DEEP-THROAT WORLD

He’s making do with what the doctor ordered. A shelf loaded down with pharmaceuticals where the spice rack used to be. Bye-bye Miss American Pie, sirloin steaks and a half rack of Bud; hello stairmaster in the cellar, a weight set and a jacuzzi.

Trim and dapper he lies naked on his silk sheets by candlelight and stares at himself in the mirrored ceiling. He longs for a woman to show up and do the impossible. Deep within his computer behind a chain of passwords,his porn stash. The quandary of crisis in a deep-throat world.

A woman with disrupted anatomy, her clitoris 8″ down her throat, the premise for a blockbuster porn flick. Howard Hughes had 8″ nails, a chance for satisfaction, just a seance away.

Listen to your damaged self, it will tell you what you have to do to make the best of things.

 

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Love is not a many-splendid thing. It has nothing to do with clits, cleavage or climax; nothing to do with freedom or the First Amendment. It’s not encoded in those three magic numbers on the back of your credit card. It has to do with enduring pain and a gentle touch.

If your heart doesn’t fill with joy when you see a child skipping down the sidewalk with two different color socks and an untied shoelace, you do not know what love is.

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