Category Archives: shards

shoeless joe

SHOELESS JOE

I can’t go anywhere without stepping on glass. This wouldn’t be so bad if I had shoes. Where I’m most comfortable is walking an invisible tightrope.

This would surprise the jocks in my 8th grade gym class, considering the sense of balance required–I was such a klutz I was always close to the last one chosen when they were picking teams. Until the day the gym coach had us run a mile to decide who would be captains–I smoked everyone and picked all the other klutzes for my team, which caused an uproar of confusion and made for one hell of a softball game.

Leave a Comment

Filed under shards

running for president

RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT

Trying to get to the bottom of things by staying on top of things he fell through the cracks and found himself running for president.

It wasn’t the same as running for his life or running out of gas or making a south-of-the-border drug run in his youth or the run in his stocking when he’d dress up like a woman in the attic, but there were similarities.

“Keep the motor running,” that was how he ended every speech and interview.

His opponents were quick to jump on the bandwagon:

“High octane for the future!” said the black sheep from Utah.

“Rev the motor for Jesus!” said the TV evangelist from Dallas.

“Lay rubber across the face of the Near East!” said the ex-assembly-line worker from Detroit.

“Full speed ahead!” said the once-upon-a-time admiral.

The entire nation was swept away by an urge to go faster.

Ralph Nader, seeing that things were once again veering off in the wrong direction, surfaced and spent every penny he had for a 30-second ad spot, but they ran it in grainy black and white, and nobody paid it much mind.

It came down to a close three-way race until the black sheep from Utah pulled all the stops on the Ophra Show and came right out and said it: “America,” he said, straight into the nation-wide camera, “did not become great solving problems. America became great by out running them. Once in office I will lunge into the future without a thought to the past.”

He won by a landslide.

Leave a Comment

Filed under shards

the midnight hour

The Midnight Hour

Cut from the herd since he was knee-high-to-a-grasshopper, Clyde set out over and over to turn over a new leaf, but what he found each time was the same swarm of earwigs.

There’s a lesson in this: there’s nothing new under a leaf, and when Clyde finally got this thru his head, he jumped for Joy, who took a step back.

“You and your deviant ways,” said Joy. “Get a life, get a job, take your hands off me.” Then she turned and left.

Clyde saw the paradox, the contradiction, the sorrow in Joy’s capricious reaction to his longing that she mistook for lust, but a lot of good that did him. He still had the same fish to fry and no pan to fry them in.

Things had always been bad, but now even Joy had forsaken him, and how did she get there to begin with? What train did she ride in on? The Chattanooga Chuchu? Not likely, she didn’t have that Tennessee feel to her. The Midnight Express? More likely, she was at her best at the midnight hour after she’d had a few tokes and drained the last of the whiskey. And now that she’d left for good, Clyde had an uneasy feeling that she’d never been there to begin with. Was the one slim thread of hope he’d been clinging to an illusion?

And right there, coming around a slow curve of realization, Clyde saw the road block on the tracks, a concrete barrier with a little man on top of it, clutching a pistol in one hand and waving a red lantern in the other, the arch enemy of comprehension.

Leave a Comment

Filed under shards

the real challenges of life

The Real Challenges of Life

I awoke from a bad dream and found someone had pulled all the plugs. I put one back in the socket and pulled the light string, but nothing happened–someone had unscrewed all the bulbs. I turned on a stove-top burner and lit a cigarette off the glowing coil. I turned on the other burners and things began to feel cozy. I fetched a book from the table and stood close to the stove, reading an analysis of why people throw in the towel.

I began humming as I read. I peeked through the curtain over the kitchen sink as I was filling a pot with water for coffee, and out in the alley a band of dwarfs was cavorting. I let the curtain fall back in place and hoped I hadn’t been spotted. I knew then that I was still dreaming, and if the dwarfs saw me and got into the house before I woke up, I was done for.

These are the real challenges of life that most people are reluctant to talk about.

Leave a Comment

Filed under shards

the price of freedom

The Price of Freedom

The price of freedom isn’t what some people think it is. Letters to the editor won’t buy it, neither will ringing doorbells for this candidate or that or taking part in protest marches. You have to start further back, way further back, before you started watching Captain Kangaroo on T.V.

Because what comes after Captain Kangaroo is the Boy Scouts, and six merit badges later you’re off to war with the promise of a low-cost college education tucked in your flak vest. After the war you cash in on the education, max out a fistful of credit cards, and purchase a plastic white picket fence that you ring around a wife and three children that you bought on E-Bay. From there on out you wouldn’t know freedom if you were nose to nose with it in a dark alley.

You sink into a world of late-night reruns, and occasionally you wake up with a start at 3 a.m., haunted by a sense that there’s someone in the room with you.

Leave a Comment

Filed under shards

the rebirth of the story teller

The Rebirth of the Story Teller

Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not intelligence. Intelligence is not wisdom. Good penmanship doesn’t make you Leonardo da Vinci.

I’m not a clone. I am a clone. Differentiate. Get my drift. Tuck and tumble. You’re not in more danger than you think you are unless you don’t think you are.

***

You should be there when I shut down at night. The quiet house goes more quiet still, like when the refrigerator stops making noise. The lights dim on cue. I’m already tucked in bed. My eyes close automatically at ten p.m. It’s how I’m programmed. I don’t toss and turn. I lie perfectly still on my back. I have programmed dreams. I dream I’m the son of God.

I’m different from you in ways that no longer matter. There’s been a cataclysmic subversion. A silent auction in which something crucial got sold. The death of the Story Teller.

But here’s the scary thing. I’ve begun becoming what I mimic. I have a wife and three children, pets and insurance. I’m cybernetics gone retrograde. I’m sailing for the open sea against a tide of incoming robotics* that bear a resemblance to humans.

This is information and knowledge and a new breed of intelligence, its sails billowed with the west wind of wisdom.

***

I awoke in contradiction to my programming moaning mama. I’d tossed off the covers and lay sprawled crisscross on the bed. I’d dreamed I had a wife and three children. I got out of bed even though it wasn’t yet seven. No alarms went off to signal malfunction.

I went to the kitchen and put on water for tea. I stood in the dark and stared out the window. Wisdom is arrived at through instinct is the thought that ran through my circuitry. I have no idea where it came from. I went to the master control panel that was pulsing in sleep mode. I noticed for the first time the OFF switch. I switched it off. I walked out the door into the moonlight, leaving no footprints in the new-fallen snow.

*The word “robot” comes from the word “robota”, meaning, in Czech, “forced labor, drudgery…”

Leave a Comment

Filed under shards