Category Archives: shards

madam felicia

MADAM FELICA

One random thought sparks another, and then the fun begins. A chain reaction of fractured thought. The split atom, infinitive, personality, loot from the bank job.

The adrenalin rush when we come through the front door of a bank waving pistols and uzis and shooting out surveillance cameras is enough to drop a herd of elephants to its knees. And when the fool guard goes for his holstered revolver and you club him to the floor, there’s not a woman lying face down with her hands behind her head who you couldn’t have.

And the rest of it–slapping the desk jockey around who tries to set off the silent alarm; comforting a small child who takes a shine to you; two men on look-out, one at the door and one on a lobby counter grinning through his John-Travolta mask; and Madam Felica in that tight black dress, spiked heels, dark glasses, deadpan and smoking a Turkish cigarette in an ivory holder. She places the plastic explosives in exactly the right spot on the vault door and
Blam! The door blasts halfway across the vault ante-chamber.

a PhD in physics, years working in the space industry, and then she threw it all in.

Raking stacks of bills and jewelry into black plastic bags,racing off in the get-away car, sometimes just for the hell of it taking along a hostage who after a few blocks we toss out the back door while two-wheeling around a corner.

It’s better than a coke high and lasts longer, but the come-down is brutal.

***

Last night at the hideaway I went up to the ledge looking down on the lights of the city and stood next to Madam Felica who was smoking one of her Turkish cigarettes. After awhile she held out the cigarette without looking at me. I took a drag and handed it back.
“One more job, she said, “and I’m through.”
She said that business about one more job after every job. It was how she unwound.

We all know that one day she actually will leave, but until that day arrives we’ll stick with her. She’s the only thing that gives our lives meaning.

Leave a Comment

Filed under shards

reality checks

Reality Checks

Separate realities and subordinate realities, realities supreme. Realities with hidden clauses. Harsh realities and get-real realities. Customized realities, take Mark Morford for instance, columnist for the San Francisco Gate, who daily concocts a reality laced with aged wine, Maseratis, yoga and nubile babes; a slippery-eel reality with an index-card mind that can pull up anything it damn well pleases and make it work with something else it really shouldn’t oughta, like porno and Mother Theresa, Rush Limbaugh and horny toads, supernovas and toasters. Morford can write a column about a new booze called Zen and a Visa card called Enlightenment and be more amused than upset, because really, in the cosmic scheme of things, such affronts to upper-echelon spiritual reality are like throwing pebbles at a mountain!

You gotta love a guy who can come up with a line like that. I pull him into my reality and sit him down in a corner.

Leave a Comment

Filed under shards

release date II.

Release Date

Sign here. Here’s your watch and your compass. Your yo-yo and your skull ring. Your dogeared copy of Walden Pond and your little black book. Everything you came in with, just like it was when we stripped you and tossed you in the cold shower and powdered you down with lice killer. All except the little black book. The warden went through and lined out some names. You have no business associating with those people, not if you’ve been rehabilitated like you told the parole board. And you have, haven’t you? Changed your ways?

He slipped on the ring and the watch. Stuffed Walden in his hip pocket. Disregarded the yo-yo and compass. Thumbed through the black book. The only names left were his mother and father and his retarded brother who was serving a different kind of sentence–life with no chance of parole on a funny farm. His mother and father had been dead for ten years.

He tried to remember the names of the women who’d been Xed out of the book. Tried to remember their touch and their faces. Not a one had paid him a visit. The rest of the names were political and drug related. And a Catholic priest who hid him out for a month before he decided to make a run for Mexico and got apprehended in Amarillo. That was thirty years back. The women who were still alive would be old and wrinkled. The priest defrocked. The drug connections OD’d or reformed by some Twelve-Step program. The politicians corrupt.

They threw back the bolt and the big gate swung open. He walked out, and the gate slammed shut behind him. He was 68 years old with $20 release money in his pocket, standing in the middle of a desert. A Greyhound came along and for $16.40 took him to the nearest town.

Leave a Comment

Filed under shards

raising the bar on morality

Raising the Bar on Morality

I used to chop down cherry trees to make false teeth for wax dummies in obscure wax museums throughout the south. I had clients from Memphis to New Orleans and got busted in St. Petersburg.

They had their own way of dealing with social deviants in St. Petersburg. They yanked my teeth and put in cherrywood dentures to give me a taste of my own medicine. Sixty days on the chain gang and then they set me free, glazed in wax with a red button stitched to the tip of my nose. “You’d best point that nose north, boy, and keep goin’ til you git there,” they told me.

I hit the blacktop and stuck out my thumb. Cars raced by and the wax melted into puddles. I ripped the red button from my nose and stuck it to a sign post with chewing gum. I walked back into St. Petersburg and took out three detectives and a patrol cop before the dogs treed me. It was 36 years, ten months, two weeks and four days before I hit the streets again.

When I walked thru the prison gate a free man in a gray suit with $20 in my pocket, there was a limo waiting. A tinted rear window came halfway down, and a well-dressed black man wearing sunglasses stared out at me. “Cherry Boy,” he said in a baritone voice. “Climb on in here out of the sun, son.” He called me son, in spite of the fact that I was 69 years old.

 

***

 

Yes, I’m the Cherrywood Killer, host of the popular Reality Show, Killers We Hate to Love. Once a week ten men dressed like George Washington, peruke and all, climb into a ring and begin swinging round-house punches until only one man has any teeth left. What he wins is the extraction of his remaining teeth and a fitting for cherrywood dentures made by me, the Cherrywood Killer. The other nine men are given jumbo tubes of whitening toothpaste as a joke. They wave the tubes over their heads like good sports and the audience goes wild. Some of the men even begin punching each other in the mouth.

It’s good money, having my own Reality Show, but the real satisfaction comes from my private practice in a high-rise in Atlanta. Celebrities, heads-of-state, CEOs from top corporations and cross-denomination clergy are my main clients.

The day is not too far off when everyone of consequence will have cherrywood dentures, raising the bar on morality and making it simple to tell the good guys from the bad.

Leave a Comment

Filed under shards

walking the blind dog

WALKING THE BLIND DOG

“I can’t get out of my own skin!” a German girl once said to me. That is, once she had been a German girl. When she said the business about the skin, she was middle-aged and a quarter of a century living in America. She said it in English, without much accent. She’d got out of her own country, her own language, but she was still in her own skin.

Snakes get out of their skin, but not their snakeness. That’s the skin the German girl was talking about.

***

My father just called on his new cellular phone, his very first one. From Medicine Bow National Forest, on highway 30, between Cheyenne and Laramie. Sitting in his big Lincoln with the windows closed. 82 years old, sitting in his Lincoln alone, talking with his wayward son a thousand miles away. He’s delighted like a small child. The thing actually works! He’s been packing it all the way from Louisiana, and he just now tried it out.

He’s heading my way.

***

The whole family used to drive from Cheyenne to Medicine Bow for a day of picnicking and rock climbing on a small mountain of boulders dropped off by a glacier in a less complicated time. Intrepid boys in Ked sneakers easily made their way to the top. Medicine Bow, washed in memory.

My father is out of the Lincoln now, standing on that ancient soil, rocked by recollection. His young wife. His tawny boys. His youth.

Which brings us to the blind dog. Sundance. Buddha Dog. He has other names, too, if you’re interested. A shepherd, snow-white and majestic. My son picked him up at a county fair in Oregon. My son was on a roll, 18 years old and burning his bridges as fast as he crossed them. Sundance was a pup in a litter being given away by a back-to-the-land family. My son stuck Sundance in his pack and went off down the road. Within a month he was in jail, and Sundance came into my life.

***

Over the years I’ve made some heroic efforts to get out of my skin, until I finally surrendered. You have to surrender before you can fight the good fight. Everything before that is low blows and self-inflicted pain.

Ha! He just nosed open the door to this pantry where I write. Gave me that baleful, milky look. The blind dog himself. Blind, deaf, arthritic and incontinent. Hind quarters shot. But he still gets around. He still has that dignity, that majesty. He still, when the air is brisk and the moon is full, prances on our midnight walks. He may keep going straight when I turn, and he may not respond when I whistle, but what the hell, he’s prancing! Prancing in his own skin, right down to his last breath. There’s nothing more we can do. Nothing more that is required. Life is simple. Life is wonderful. Life is suffering. Life is inevitable, and it happens all at once.

Duality, fused in sunlight that is transformed into liquid color in the prism of my father’s tears as he stands before the boulder mountain of his well-spent youth.

Back in the Lincoln, the cell phone warbles a message he no longer needs to hear.

Leave a Comment

Filed under shards

police! animal control! safety!

POLICE! ANIMAL CONTROL! SAFETY!

After three-thousand-five-hundred dollars in lawyer’s fees, the D.A. threw out the charges against his granddaughter.

For another twenty grand he could sue the sheriff’s department in some coastal high-tone southern California town, but he’s going to let it slide.

What concerns him is that she doesn’t get what it is she’s up against, and knowing that is essential to survival if you’re a free spirit on the roam in a Mad Hatter world.

***

There’s someone in his community running for office whose campaign poster reads: “Police! Animal Control! Safety!” That should be enough to make the hair stand up on the back of anyone’s neck, but when he told his granddaughter about it over the phone, she told him about driving her hippie van around a Santa Barbara Safeway parking lot with her side-kick Andy, stoned out of their heads and laughing their asses off as they gently bumped stray shopping carts and sent them rolling between parked cars.

“Choose your battles,” he told her, and she said, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Leave a Comment

Filed under shards